


Attack on Blogging

by Ponies_and_Titans (orphan_account)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempt at Humor, Everyone loves Eren, F/F, F/M, Gen, Humor, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Out of Character, Randomness, Tumblr Ask Box Fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2015-08-06
Packaged: 2018-04-12 22:21:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4496919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Ponies_and_Titans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(I HAVE A NEW VERSION OF THIS, PLEASE ASK THERE))<br/>Pretty much what the title says. Ask the Survey Corps and Annie Leonhardt any question or dare you can think of, and they/she will answer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Hello, brats. This is Captain Levi speaking. It was Erwin's idea to start an official Survey Corps blog, and I just so happened to be appointed as the…leader…of this blog thing. So here we have all of our members of the new Squad Levi, and also a prisoner of humanity. So go ahead, ask us anything."


	2. Sing It for the World

"Oh, would you look at that." Said Levi quietly. "Our first message. And it looks like it's for Eren and Mikasa." Levi turned around to face his squad, shifting his gaze between Eren and Mikasa. "Jaeger. Ackerman. Come here." Mikasa and Eren exchanged glances as they stepped up to the computer. Mikasa clicked on the ask before reading it out loud.

"ThatOneGuy asks…'Have Eren sing a lovely romantic song to Mikasa (Only You by the Platters) while at the same time dressed up as Elvis.'" Mikasa's eyebrows raised and her pupils dilated, while Eren just read and re-read the ask. Then, Eren made the biggest mistake of his life.

"Wait…who is Elvis? Is he someone I know?" Eren asked. It wasn't Levi or Mikasa that slapped him, but Ymir. The tall brunette girl then proceeded to kick him repeatedly in the dick while screaming at the top of her lungs.

"YOU FUCKING IDIOT! How DARE you NOT KNOW WHO ELVIS FUCKING PRESTLEY IS!!" both Mikasa and Historia stepped forward to take action, but both were held back.

"Just let it happen. Ackerman, Reiss." Said Levi. Ymir stopped kicking Eren momentarily.

"Stand up, Eren."

"Oww…Jesus Christ, Ymir…what did I do…to deserve this…?" Eren croaked.

"You asked who Elvis Prestley is."

"Exactly! That's all I wanna know! Who is Elvis Prestley!?"

"Just about the greatest musician of all time. Now stand up, or it's round two." Ymir growled. Eren stood up as fast as he could, and then Ymir grabbed him by the collar and started dragging him away.

"Ymir! What...are you...doing!?" Shouted Eren, struggling against her iron grip.

"Saving myself from your stupidity. Jaeger."

**An hour or so later**

"Now stop being a little shit and go!" Ymir shoved Eren out into the open, where everyone had been waiting by the computer. He was dressed up in a suit, his usually messy and wild brown hair slicked back into the classic Elvis look. Ymir shoved a few papers into his hands, then turned him to face Mikasa. "Here's your lyrics sheet. Now sing, damnit!" With that final shout, Ymir stepped back into the observing crowd, arms crossed. Eren fumbled with the sheets for a moment, blushing madly. Then, the words began to flow, very awkwardly at first.

"Only you can make this world seem right…Only you can make the darkness bright…Only you and you alone...Can thrill me like you do…And fill my heart with love for only you." His hands were shaking as he sang, and all Mikasa did was blush and smile. But, as Eren got further into the song, he became more confident. Seeing Mikasa smile again filled his heart with joy.

"Only you can make this change in me…For it's true, you are my destiny…When you hold my hand I understand the magic that you do…You're my dream come true…My one and only you…Only you can make this change in me…For it's true, you are my destiny…When you hold my hand I understand the magic that you do…You're my dream come true……My one and only you." After he finished, everyone began to clap. Both Mikasa and Eren's faces were a deep shade of red. Only one difference; after a moment, Mikasa's nose began bleeding profusely, and she completely fainted on the spot. She was rushed to the infirmary, and after a half hour, she awoke, the first thing she said being:

"I love you too…Eren."


	3. Pickin' Up Chicks(and Guys) With Levi- Part 1

_"Alright, ThatOneGuy. You've had your fun." Said Levi, glaring at the computer screen. "Next question, soldiers! Let's see here…" as Levi read the ask, his eyes widened in terror.

"Captain Levi?" Asked Armin quietly. "Are you okay, sir?"

"…celestial_spirit_leo asks: have levi say random cheesy pickup lines completely seriously." He sighed, face-palming. "Fuck me…"

"With pleasure, Captain!" Shouted Hanji, who came strolling into the room with a wide grin plastered onto hir face. Levi turned around to face hir and glared.

"You know that's not what I meant, Hanji."

"Suure, Levi. Sure." Ze replied, wiggling hir eyebrows. Levi, with a pained expression, looked over his shoulder and read the ask once more. Then, he shuddered and looked back to Hanji.

"You know what, Hanji?"

"What?"

"There's a sale going on in my bedroom right now. All clothes are 100% off. If you know what I mean." Said Levi flatly. Hanji just gasped, hir face flushing red. Then, ze nodded ferociously and ran off at top speed, squealing and screaming. Next target…he scanned the room and found Armin staring at his feet, looking rather nervous.

"Hey, Arlert." Levi waltzed up to the blonde boy and tilted his head upwards. Armin looked anywhere and everywhere except for at the Captain. "Look at me."

"Do I have to, sir?"

"Yes. That's an order." Said Levi. So, bracing himself for what was to come, Armin squeezed his eyes shut for a moment before his gaze met that of Captain Levi. "Now. You've always been smart, Armin Arlert. You like to read, correct?"

"Y-yes sir."

"Then how about you and I go to the library, where you can read my dic(k)tionary."

"Dictionary? What do you mean by dic- oh. Ohh. Um, okay…I'm gonna go check on my friends now…bye." With that, Armin tore off down the hallway towards the infirmary at top speed. Next.

"Sasha Braus."

"Yes, sir?"

"You like food, and we all know about that. But eating too much can make you gain weight, and we don't want unfit soldiers here in the Survey Corps."

"Of course."

"But, did you know that kissing burns five calories a minute?"

"No, sir..."

"Well, Sasha...how about a workout?" Sasha opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. Instead, a completely naked Hanji Zoë appeared at the top of the stairs, shouting.

"I'm ready, Levi!" Ze shouted. Levi turned away from hir and the rest of the squad, walking up to the computer.

"This is all your fucking fault, celestial_spirit- whatever your fucking name is. I swear to whatever god we worship that I will kill both you and Erwin for this. Fuck. You."


End file.
